Random Musings

Why I don't follow sports

2007-11-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went out to lunch with some guys from work. As is generally the case in these situations, the conversation turned to football. I don't mind at all when that happens - it means I can have some serious alone time with my food. Football is a better subject than work. Or cars. I have only one requirement of my car - that it not break down in the middle of the night on an eerie stretch of road. But since I own a car, I am expected to know at least a little about cars. And care enough to contribute to the conversation. Or at least listen intelligently. But with football, I've found, they usually look at me with pity and move on. Well - not these guys. They decided to give me the benefit of doubt. They said - well maybe you find baseball more interesting. Uh - no. Or basketball, if you follow that. Sorry. At this point I decided that some explanation or excuse was necessary. I told them that it was probably a fascinating sport, but that I didn't understand it. They tried to explain the basic rules of the game. And explained that the excitement was in the game, and in all the personalities and drama that surround the game. The thing is - I know that. And I don't want to get into it. I could probably become an ardent football fan if I wanted to. But I don't want to.

I used to follow cricket - but that was not a conscious choice. I grew up with it. Everyone around was crazy about it. When there was a match on, there really was no choice but to follow along. Passions would run high. I remember when I was really young - maybe 4 or 5 - I would cry every time one of our players got out. From the reaction of the adults around me, I figured that something really bad had happened - maybe someone had died. Of course, I stopped being quite that emotionally invested as I grew up. I didn't promise god my hypothetical first born - if only my team would win the match. Or even get tension headaches. Well, not often. But I knew all the players in all the teams - their names, faces, histories. The rivalries in the game, the big and small dramas. The players I loved and hated. I followed the game even when there was almost no hope. When despite having one of the best teams on paper, we would lose almost every match spectacularly. Even then I loved the game. Until there were a bunch of match-fixing scandals. Those matches where whole nations had agonized with each ball and with each stroke of the bat, those matches had had their outcome decided even before the toss. And so I stopped caring.

It's a lot of work - being invested in a sport. When you follow a sport, you become more than a passive viewer. You become part of it. It's not - they're going to play. It's - we're going to play. And with cricket, it's much simpler to decide who 'we' are. It's your national team. Football, baseball and basketball don't have anything that simple. There are so many teams. For someone who moves around a lot, that means divided loyalties. And then there is the practice of trading players. Makes loyalties even more complicated. And many teams are owned privately, so they're really businesses. And business isn't about emotion, good sportsmanship, or even winning in the conventional sense. It's about making money - win or loose. So I don't want to follow a sport. I'm too cynical. And that's a good thing - or I might really have cared about the whole Barry Bonds thing.

Wildfire

2007-10-23T21:50:00.001-07:00

I am one of the lucky ones so far. I live in one of the few pockets in San Diego which have not been burnt or evacuated. It has been an unbelievable two days. I have not seen the fire live. But I have been breathing in the smoke and ash. And all the television channels have been blanketed with pictures of flames. House after house burning. Reduced to rubble. Lines of fire; smoke covering the whole sky. Forests with a ring of fire around them and lines of fire within them. Mountains alight. They say that these wild fires are natural. That they occur because nature needs to periodically clear the brush. Clear out the dry wood so new vegetation can spring up. The problem is that we live in the middle of this dry wood.

I have been hearing from friends and colleagues all over who have been evacuated. Who have been seeing news reports saying that houses in their areas are burning - and who don't know if their house has survived. As people started leaving their houses in response to evacuation orders, I think a lot of them used the Cedar fire as a guide. The areas that were safe then - they probably thought would be safe now. After all, the Cedar fire was the worst San Diego had seen. But as the fire spread, and became worse than the Cedar fire, they were evacuated again. And again. Friends who have been staying with me have moved 4 times in two days. Their home is still in a mandatory evacuation zone. Their 2 kids don't know what is going on - just that they are having a fire drill every few hours. A lot of people have similarly had to move multiple times as evacuation areas have spread. From hotel to hotel. From friend's house to friend's house. All the hotels were booked to capacity pretty quickly. Shelters and evacuation sites sprang up everywhere. One of the most amazing, and heartening, things has been the tremendous volunteer response. I was remarking to some friends last week that I didn't know what it was with San Diego. Why did almost every event seem to have a lot more volunteers than were needed or anticipated. Was it that San Diegans volunteered a lot, or that the events were not as well organized as they could have been? I guess the answer is - San Diegans volunteer a lot. In all the craziness, it has been very heartening to hear the frequent announcements that 'no more donation are needed today. We will accept new donations tomorrow.' Every day. Same thing with the need for volunteers. The Qualcomm Stadium evacuation site sounds almost - almost - like a party. If you can ignore the fact that a lot of these people might not have homes to go back to. But since they have absolutely no control over that, they might as well get comfortable. And a lot of people are trying to help them forget their situation and get comfortable. Hundreds of volunteers, in addition to distributing food, clothes, blankets etc, are providing child care, are entertaining kids with balloon animals and face painting, are providing massages for people, are providing yoga classes. What can be done is being done.

The fires are still raging. Evacuations have been lifted from a few areas. A few new areas have been evacuated. They have started publishing lists of the houses that have been destroyed - and they are long lists. But I believe the worst is over. I believe it won't spread too much more. I am going to sleep tonight. I am going to turn the TV off for the first time in two days. And trust that if I do need to get evacuated, the reverse 911 system will work. I think this is optimism is being inspired partly by exhaustion, but mostly by a genuine belief that between the city and county and state and federal firefighters, and the forest service helicopters and the navy jets , they will beat back the fire. Till nature decides to clear the brush agian.

Blog Action Day

2007-10-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I go today on the blog sphere, people are talking about Blog Action Day and the environment. The Nobel Peace Prize timing worked out well too. It's 'love the environment' day - hopefully week and year too. Which is all good - I found some interesting new blogs about the way people are trying to make a difference. The most convenient - no effort, some cost - way seems to be to buy carbon credits. So if you're the kind that likes throwing money at a problem, that's the way to go. And it's a good first step, since it gets you to calculate your carbon footprint. Gets you thinking about all the ways you are destroying the environment - and didn't even know it! I think I skimmed an article a while ago on how the whole carbon credit idea works. You buy credits from these companies who have people planting trees somewhere in the world to offset your emissions. I think. Or was that someone making fun of the concept of carbon credits? I don't remember. But more trees is always a good idea. I wonder if the trees have to emit oxygen in approximately in the same geographic area where you are emitting carbon. Does the thickness of the ozone layer even out so it is uniform everywhere, or is is thinner in some places and thicker in other, greener places? More stuff to research - and I'm sure some blog out there will explain it today.

The more interesting blogs are the ones that talk about making changes in your daily habits. The more radical ones - radical in the sense that I don't think I could do it - are about people who have drastically cut down on their use of electricity, carry out bags, toilets etc. The less radical ones give you ideas on recycling old jeans, eye glasses etc. And of course, the comment sections are full of not just admirers, but also detractors. As well as heated debates about whether urban or rural living is more environmentally friendly. If you live surrounded by farms and tress, are you necessarily more environmentally friendly? Interesting debates. The other kind of comments that caught my eye - people saying - we've been doing this since the 60s. Where have you been? And it got me thinking. Hey - I've been doing it too! Or used to - I've actually been moving towards being less environmentally friendly, just when it's becoming fashionable to be more so. Need to move back to my old ways - as much as I can. As I said - I used to do it way back when. Not since the 60s, since I hadn't been born. On the other hand - what can be more environmentally friendly than not existing and polluting this environment? But I digress - I had been following all these environmentally friendly tips - and didn't even know it!

Here's how - I grew up in a society where every thing was used, reused, and then reused again. Till it literally fell to pieces. Then the pieces were used. Everything was reborn many times - new incarnations with new purpose. Everyone saved newspapers and magazines. And sold them. And they didn't have to go out of their way to do it - a guy would walk by once a week, calling out to anyone who had newspapers to sell. It was win-win for everyone - you felt good about not wasting your newspaper - specially if you hadn't read anything but the comics! The guy who bought your papers won, since he resold them for a profit. And the environment, of course, won. Cold drink bottles were made of glass. And you couldn't just walk away with them. You had to finish your drink and return them to the shop. Or pay a deposit to make sure you returned them later. And the deposit was not a pittance built into the price the way it is now, so you don't even consider it a deposit. If you were having a cold drink,it was because you wanted to sit there with friends and/or family and share a drink. Or because you wanted to take a break - sit in the shade and finish your drink. No drive through-drink while you drive system. Same thing with clothes. You would wear them. If they were in good condition, your siblings, cousins etc might wear them. If you didn't have any of those, or if your family was too fancy to share clothes, you gave them to the people who worked for you around the house. And you knew them personally. So you knew what could be mended, what would be appreciated, and what was too shabby to be given. There were no Goodwill type organizations whose operations had to be funded. Clothes didn't have to be in such good condition that you wouldn't want to give them away. And clothes that were mismatched, or not quite up to the standard of the people who worked for you could be exchanged for utensils. And the person who did this barter with you would in turn sell them to someone who put them to other uses - like stuffing mattresses or comforters with the reworked cloth. And clothes that could not be bartered - well those could be used in so many ways - to wrap other clothes in, to wrap precious items in, to make patchwork jewelery cases, as rags, as dust cloth etc. I've heard the arguments about whether the water and power used to wash cloth makes it a bad alternative to paper napkins. Well - the water issue stands, but the only power used to wash them was man (more often -woman) power. When you bought vegetables - or any groceries, for that matter, you carried your own cloth bags to bring them back in. I bought a cloth shopping bag from Trader Joe's last month and thought - we've moved forward so much, we've moved back!

But I don't do a lot of these environmentally responsible things today. I don't subscribe to a newspaper, so I don't have to feel guilty about not recycling the paper. But I don't recycle bottles religiously - since I would have to carry them to the recycling bin myself. And I haven't been able to find it even thought I am sure I have walked around the entire parking structure where they are supposed to be located at least 3 times. I gleefully wash my clothes and dishes using machines. And use paper napkins to wipe the smallest of spills - with only a slight twinge of guilt. I drive my gas guzzling car everywhere, even though I work only about 6 miles from my apartment and could - potentially - bicycle to work. Well, I bought a bicycle a few months ago, so I'm going to start using it more. On the plus side - I still have a hard time throwing away clothes or books. I can donate books - libraries are quite happy to take them. But I wear my clothes till they reach the point where even Goodwill won't take them. And still I feel guilty throwing them away. Same with shoes. And what about things like lamps? I have been using the same lamps for 8 years now - even though I hate them. They're those cheap fifteen dollar Wal Mart lamps. I Finally threw one of them out yesterday - and felt really bad throwing out something that was in perfect working condition. That's all I've been able to throw out after moving apartments - but now I know I'm not just a miser or a pack rat. I'm environmentally responsible. Saying that no longer sounds like an excuse - because everyone's doing it! The next think I'm going to do - stop all the junk mail. Not just because it annoys me - but because it's killing trees.

Waiting for Harry Potter

2007-07-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

It's 6:40 PM, and I have been checking the UPS website constantly. Every hours since morning. Every 5 minutes since 5 PM. And now every minute. What does 'IN TRANSIT TO FINAL DESTINATION' mean? Will my book arrive today? Or is it just a meaningless status message meant to raise - and then dash - hopes? I wait in an agony of anticipation. I've already done google searches on UPS delivery pattens. I find that they could deliver as late as 10PM. I find that there are others out there like me, trying to find out what 'In Transit' means. When something starts travelling, isn't it always 'in transit to final destination'? I want to surf more - read more. But I am afraid. Afraid that there are spoilers out there - like the New York Post. Afraid that even in just skimming search results or message boards, I will learn the plot line. It is now 7 PM. I should give up and leave the house. Tomorrow is soon enough. But I can't. When will it get here?

7:26 PM : More google. Found some discussions that say that UPS and USPS have signed a deal (found the press release for that). More important - the post said that 'OUT FOR DELIVERY' means that UPS will deliver. 'IN TRANSIT TO FINAL DESTINATION' mean that USPS will deliver. If that's true - and I'm still holding out the hope that it is not - then I won't get my book today, since the post office is closed. If I don't get my book tomorrow, amazon should not only refund the cost, they should pay for the emotional trauma they are causing me. ;)

8:12 PM: I am now (almost) resigned to the fact that my book will not arrive today. I need to get on with my evening. My evening might include a quick peek into the local bookstore... but other than that, I am no longer waiting. Till tomorrow...

11:10 PM: Still no book. Went to 2 of the Barnes And Nobles in the area to check out the parties. Lots of kids, and some adults, in costume. A very happening atmosphere for a bookstore! They were giving out numbers and wrist bands for people to wait in line at 11PM. When the line shrunk to about 4 people, I got a number - just in case. I was mostly interested in the goody bag - a key chain and stickers. They had lots of them, so I didn't feel like I was shortchanging some actual child to indulge my inner child. As I waited in line, people behind me were loudly discussing their theories of what would happen next. And I was dreading the moment when someone who'd read the leaked plot would give it away. How stupid would I look with my hands over my ears? Should have taken ear plugs with me! Luckily I got away without hearing anything. Decided not to wait in line and actually try to by another copy from B&N though. Tomorrow is soon enough.

Happy new year

2007-01-02T23:55:00.000-08:00

The first real day of the new year. January 1 never really counts - it is a day of transition. Still on the threshold between the old year and the new one. A day to recover from the revelry of the previous night. To get back from vacation. Or to make resolutions. January 2 is the real beginning of the year. The day to get serious. The gym was full today - not a single empty machine to be found. People fighting for every inch of carpet space. A lot of newly enthusiastic people full of purpose and resolutions. Let's hope things are back to normal soon!

My new year was pretty laid back this year. Watched a few movies. The Good Shepard - did not like it. Somehow, it gave me the impression of a movie trying too hard to be deep. The Holiday - one of those feel-good movies that seem to come out around the holidays to tell heartbroken or lonely people - this could happen to you. You could get dumped before Christmas, and be part of a big happy family by new year's eve. Good light entertain met though. The Pursuit of Happyness - good movie. Uplifting - specially since it is based on a true story. The guts it takes to say - i could stay in a rut, barely making it, but I'm not going to. I'm going to go for broke, risk losing everything - actually go 2 steps down from barely making it - all because I believe in myself, and know that eventually things will get better. I was slightly disappointed when I researched the guy after watching the movie though. The one little fact they changed in the movie - to make it more stark? - seemed important to me. The movie stresses - multiple times - that the internship was not paid. That's a huge gamble to take on yourself - to go into a training program where you spend all the time you could have spent earning - and to not get paid anything for it. In fact it paid about $1200 a month. And since that is $300 a month more than I made in grad school... of course, I didn't have a child to care for full-time, and that makes all the difference. But still - I wish they hadn't changed an important fact like that, and then stressed it. It wouldn't have taken anything away from the story if they'd kept it as is.

The movie made me think of a book I listened to recently. Yes, I still love my iPod, and use it to listen to books on tape. Anyway, so I listened to 'Benjamin Franklin - An American Life'. I've been meaning to read a Franklin biography for a while - he seems like such an interesting character, and has lived such a very full life. And so many witty quotes are attributed to him! It makes a great story. And again - very inspiring. I also found the end of the book interesting. The author discusses how Franklin goes through periods where he is loved, and periods where he is belittled. It's an interesting debate, and always compelling. Practicality vs Romanticised Philosophy. The argument that while Franklin achieved great things, perhaps he was always a lot more merchant than scholar. Too involved in the mundane and the practical rather than the abstruse and philosophical. That his interest in something as sordid as making money takes away from his achievements. That his step by step programs to improve himself are too - ordinary. Tying back to the movie - if the aim of someone's life is to improve their own lot, and to make money - to own a red Ferrari - does that make the story a little pedestrian? A little less uplifting than the story of someones struggle against an illness, for example. Neither are for other people, but does the red Ferrari angle taint the first, and the threat of impending death give the second a halo? Or are both still equally great stories about hope, and the triumph of the human spirit?

Another interesting book I read over the new year's holiday - 'What to Do Between Birth and Death - The Art of growing up.' One of the more interesting articles dealt with 'eternal youth' or the people who can not give up adolescence. It said that 'Adolescence is the time before such choices, when all things are possible because nothing has yet been decided. The eternal youth clings to this stage of life, and is unable to commit to anything actually available. The one situation dreaded thought life by such a type of person is to be bound down to anything whatsoever. There is a terrific fear of being caught in a situation from which it may be impossible to slip out again. Every just-so situation is hell." Sound familiar to any of the commitment phoebes out there? :) On a similar but less serious note, I listened to parts of a book called 'Do it. Getting off your Buts.' The part that sticks to mind is where they keep stressing that you need to pick your goals, and that despite popular belief, you can't have it all. That choosing a goal means that you are giving up other goals, and that is the only way you will achieve something. Interesting- almost seems like the universe is sending me a message. Now, all I need to do is pick a new year's goal. :)

A new love

2006-10-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

I bought an iPod yesterday - a Red one! It's such a little darling!

I have been thinking about getting one for a while, but I didn't really want to become a pod person. Plus - all the cool kids already had them. And I'm too cool to be part of the cool crowd.

I briefly considered getting a SanDisk MP3 player - it made a lot of sense. They're the market leaders in tiny memory devices. And thiers has not just an FM radio, but even a voice recorder. Plus - it's not 'cool'. But, sound sense and good reasoning notwithstanding, I had already fallen for the Nano. I just didn't want to admit it. Then Microsoft announced the Zune. Now Microsoft tends to get my back up, so I immediately decided that I would get an iPod. Plus - the Zune doesn't look anywhere as good as the Nano. Not that I'm biased or anything. And as for the WiFi 'social networking device' - I'm not that social. I'm stand-offish, and so are my gadgets. So I fianlly accepted myself as one of the pod people.

When I went to the Apple website, I found that Product Red had just been launched. It seemed like a sign. Now I get to buy a shiny new toy - and feel all better about myself becasue a tiny tiny fraction of the money will go to charity. And, I don't have to agonize over color choice! I looked at the video iPods for an hour. Same price, more functionality. But they're ugly compared to the Nano. Next choice - 8 GB Nano - but it's not available in red. Decisions, Decisions. Of course I picked style over substance - was that ever in question? Plus, remember the ten bucks for AIDS. So 4 GB it was. I spent some time thinking of things I could get engraved on my Nano - the front runners were

'I can resist anything but temptation.' (Oscar Wilde has great one-liners for all occasions!)
and
'If you can talk you can sing. If you can walk you can dance.'

But - once I decided to buy it, I could not wait for engraving. I had to have it NOW!

I've already loaded 2.5 Gigs of songs. A lot of my friends happend to be in the rec room downstairs this afternoon, practicing for a show. So I got to show my Nano off! I even got to use the stopwatch functionality to time a sequence - I was very excited to discover that! I'll probably never use it again - but it's good to know that it's there is I ever need it. I'm going to install iTunes on my work computer tomorrow and sync my calendar and see if I like that feature. And I can set time zones - that'll come in handy when I travel!

So - next on the agenda - a name for my Nano. The front runners are Tansen, Laila, Aamrapaali and Simba. I'll live with it for a few days before deciding on the name. Send me suggestions if you have any!

Ok - i'll stop now before I sound completely crazy!

Sleepless

2006-10-11T02:29:00.000-07:00

The night is half over, and I don't want to sleep. Why is that? I'm sleepy - and I love to sleep. But I want to hold it off, just a little bit longer. To prolong today a bit - to hold off tomorrow a bit.

Laziness

2006-09-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

I've fallen into the old traps again. Starting with a lot of enthusiasm - the passion of a new beginning. And then the enthusiasm begins to wane. By degrees. And the laziness begins to creep in. By degrees. There are a lot of excuses, of course. There always are. I've been busy. I'll get to it. It's not like I've forgotten. And the biggest pitfall - the feeling that I need to make a production out of my posts. That I need a couple of hours to edit them. To polish them. To make them perfect. Because honestly - just writing about something doesn't take that long. It's the need to make a production out of it - that's what kills it altogether.

So I will try again - not necessarily to write something witty and polished. Or rather - something that I've agonized over for an hour - making myself think that it's witty and polished. But to just write.

I'm living vicariously these days. It seems like I am surrounded by people who are making the decision to not live their lives in drudgery. Working - day after day after day. Living the same safe, routine, expected life. I know a woman who is an astrophysicist by education. But decided to take a year off after school, and travel. Enjoy life and see the world a bit before going back to grad school. Not that school isn't enjoying life! I would never imply that! ;) One year stretched to ten. She's traveled all over the world, and held all sorts of jobs. Mucking out horse stalls, teaching people to ski, tending bar. Staying at a place as long as it was fun. Making enough to get by and travel to the next adventure. She says that she turned back after Cambodia because her money ran out. That sounds so cool - she traveled till her money ran out. She's been working for a few years straight now - at an office job. Sitting in a little cubicle with no light and no air. So she's quitting. She'll ski for a few months. And maybe finally go back to grad school. I want to be like that! To not worry about whether I'll have a job to come back to. To have faith that things will work out, and that I won't starve to death in a gutter. To not worry about being 'realistic' and 'responsible'. To travel - and turn back in the country where my money runs out. Or maybe I just want to want to be like that.... Because if I really wanted to do it, I could. Couldn't I?

Another guy I know decided that he really can realize his childhood dream of living in China. He likes to bum around, to pick up and go where he wants to when he wants to. To play his guitar on the streets for food, if need be. So he's basically uprooted his life - quit his job, left his home and family, and moved across the world. And so far, he's deliriously happy! There are people like that out there. And the more of them I meet, the more I feel that I should be less - well - stodgy, for lack of a better word. And more adventurous. To really live, instead of being so conventional and boring. Or maybe I'm just lazy - that word is the bane of my existence! So I'm living vicariously, reading the blogs of people who're out there - living.

Of course, you don't have to go to such extremes. You don't have to turn your life on it's head. You can actually plan out these little adventures. You can schedule them. You can take time off and see a little bit of the world at a time. One of my friends has taken 3 months off to travel right now. And that's still adventure. And that's still more than I'm doing. And that's still something I mean to do more of. And I'm there in spirit, reading her blogs. But - it's planned. It doesn't have the same adrenaline rush. That grand gesture of chucking everything - safety, responsibility, the familiar. And heading out, with the proverbial shirt on your back, to seek adventure. It doesn't have the same shine of an impossible dream. Of a dream so far removed from your reality that there is no real danger that you have to actually live it.

I'm Back! (Or will be - shortly)

2006-04-20T17:48:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. I've been lazy. I haven't posted - or even read my favorite blogs- in a really long time. I have let complacence set in. Well, what can be expected of someone who finally filed taxes at 3 AM on April 17th? And that car I was going to buy? Not done yet. I have taken to staying within about 5 miles of home since my current car is really not too safe to drive, and I have been putting off facing the dreaded sales people!

But - I have been on vacation. Took almost a month off - it was great!

PS - just ran the spell check and it insists on changing 'complacence' to 'complacency '. But m-w.com tells me that I'm not mistaken - complacence really is a word. Wonder what's up. And why I bring this up - I'm reading an interesting book (well, parts of it are interesting anyway) about the evolution of the English language in America. 'Made in America' by Bill Bryson.

Adventures In Car Buying

2006-01-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

The time has finally come. The day I have been dreading and postponing. A day I knew would come, but hoped would not. I need to buy a car. My current car has served me faithfully and well. And now it's time to put it out of its misery.

I bought my first car in grad school. I spent a few weeks looking at newspaper ads. Even made a few phone calls. But it all seemed very hopeless, and too much trouble. I didn't know what to look for to make sure I wasn't being sold a lemon. I would have to ask someone to give me a ride to look at cars. I didn't really do anything other than look at ads. But then I got lucky - my roommate's sister was selling her car. I bought it, sight unseen. A Toyota corolla hatchback with about 90,000 miles on it, that I bought for $900, and eventually sold for $600. Not a bad deal at all. I was elevated to the ranks of the few - the proud - the car owners! That brought a lot of convenience and some responsibilities. My horizons expanded beyond the bus routes. I no longer had to beg people for rides. I had to take various people to the groceries store or the mall. I got calls in the middle of the night when someone had been working late on assignments and had missed the last bus home. It was a chance to pay my dues - since I'd been on the other end of those phone calls before. It was nice - being a car owner.

When I got my first job, I decided that I could not be seen with that car, and so it had to go. That might not have been the smartest decision. I started looking at used car ads again. In the meantime, my roommate and I took the bus to work, since she didn't have a car either. Would the hatchback have made us look any worse? Oh well. I identified a few cars, and rented a car from rent-a-wreck to go look at them. After a few false starts - the seller rescheduled, I cancelled because I didn't want to drive in the snow, etc - I finally made an appointment with a nice-sounding lady in DC. I printed the directions from mapquest - the intersection was '13th and T St NE'. Who puts NE in the search, right? The intersection is enough.

Well, my roommate and I followed the directions religiously. We ended up on a street where none of the cars really looked like the one we were looking for. In fact, the cars all looked fairly run down. So did the houses and the street. A car with 4 guys in it started slowly driving beside us as we walked down the street. Sirens were wailing in the distance. By now it was full dark. We got to the house in the address and stood there looking at it. It didn't seem to fit the lady I'd spoken with, or her car. We began to wonder - if we went into that house and never came out - who would know? I began to feel like a character in crime/horror movies, where the audience is sitting there thinking - if she's dumb enough to go in there, she deserves to die a hideous death. After a five minute debate, we decided to ring the bell, but not enter the house. We rang, and a very puzzled man came out. We insisted that we were there to look at a car - he was equally insistent that there was no car for sale. We told him the address and he finally figured it out - we were at 13th and T St SE! Turns out that DC has the exact same cross streets all over the city.

Now, we really didn't know the implications of being in Southeast DC. But this guy did - and he seemed fairly concerned for us. He gave us directions on how to get out. Repeated them a few times. We got out of that street and promptly got lost. At one point we were being followed by these guys - who were shouting things we chose not to hear. Sirens were still wailing - and not in the distance either. I was constantly afraid that I'd jumped a red light and the cops were after me. I was constantly afraid that the 'wreck' would break down. We finally decided to stop at a gas station and get directions - it was really run down and 2 guys were hulking there looking dangerous. We drove on without getting out. After about an hour of driving in circles, we finally found the highway. Got home and swore never to drive to DC again.

After that, I decided that CarMax was the way to go. After all, they didn't bargain so while I wouldn't get a steal, I wouldn't get ripped off. Identified a car online and called them to make sure it was still available. Walked in and got pounced on by one of the sharks there. Told her I'd already spoken with someone on the phone and would deal only with him. Turns out it was the last day of this guy's one week training on how to be a car salesman. He didn't know the difference between a manual and an automatic, and didn't understand why I wanted a 5 speed instead of a 4 speed.I began to like this guy - he wasn't a shark! I was feeling good. Till we came to the part about how I'd pay for it. I said that I didn't want to finance. He said that I had to. I said that I would pay for the whole thing. He said that their system was not set up to allow that. At this point I began to lose patience - "Are you telling me that your system is not set up to let me pay for my damn car?!" - so he got someone to help him. And that's when I had to deal with a car salesman type. I'm not sure how, but he managed to sell me a $1000 service plan I didn't need and didn't use. Maybe that was all part of their plan - I was very smoothly team tagged!

And now I am going to brave those shark infested waters again. Or maybe I'll buy a Saturn - they don't bargain right?

Firday the 13th and other horrors

2006-01-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

Friday the 13th and a full moon. That might explain all the crazies I met today! Oh wait - I work with them. But seriously, something special should mark today - a day where so many staples of a horror writer's life come together! I wonder - if the fire alarm went off right now, would all of us swarming out of the building look human? Partially human - with a slight touch of the otherworldly to our appearance? Or outright creepy?! That would be a nice way to celebrate the full moon.

Talking of horror - the annual company party is coming up. Are they being politically correct - after all no one can possibly call this a Christmas party - or just very cheap? Let's be realistic here - these guys reuse employee badges. Seriously. My badge has someone else's mug on the other side!

Memoirs Of A Geisha

2006-01-11T00:47:00.000-08:00

"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, none remain. It is not for a geisha to want, to feel."

I watched Memoirs Of A Geisha this weekend. It's a feast for the eyes. Visually stunning. The story is not exactly new - a touch of Oliver Twist, a dash of Gigi. And so many other movies. But a different culture, and beautifully rendered.

[SPOILER ALERT!! If you don't want to know - stop reading now.]
The storyline proceeded pretty much as expected. Little girl is sold by her miserably poor family into a Geisha house. At a very low point in her young life, she is shown a little kindness by a stranger. Starts idolizing him and makes it her life's mission to make it into his world, even if it is as a Geisha. After the expected trials and tribulations, she is mentored by another talented geisha, becomes the queen bee. More trials and tribulations and it looks like things are going to proceed to their silver screen happy ending. Girl will get the guy. As a mistress, but that's a small detail. And he's a nice guy - after all she fell for him because he wiped the tears of an unhappy child all those years ago.

It's another small detail that twisted even that pseudo happy ending into a tragedy after all. At least for me. The minor detail - guy reveals that he has known all along that she was the child he had met all those years ago. He is the one who sent her mentor to train her. And all I could think was - to see a child, and think of having her trained as a mistress for you. He wasn't a nice guy after all.

Was this little twist deliberate? To keep you from thinking that this was a happy ending? Or maybe I am magnifying a minor detail. What difference does it make if he was a nice guy or not - she had achieved her lifelong dream. At least the dream of her life after she was sold to a Geisha house, and you stopped expecting more for her.

Escaping the Mind

2006-01-09T23:58:00.000-08:00

I came across a quote the other day that hit uncomfortably close to home.

"We read to train the mind, to fill the mind, to rest the mind, to recreate the mind, or to escape the mind." -- Holbrook Jackson

I am afraid that more and more of my reading is falling into the last category. My relationship with books is an old and cherished one. My earliest memories are of my father bringing books back for us whenever he traveled. My mother nurtured a love of reading by telling me that even if I was ever in a place where I had no friends, I would always have books. That advice worked only too well. Half my friends today walk the pages of books.

The adventures of the Famous Five or the Five Find-outers, the colorful world of Noddy, the camaraderie of Malory Towers and the Chalet school, Tintin and the captain with his 'Billions of Blue Blistering Barnacles', Astrix and the ever-aggrieved Obelix who never got to have his share of potion - these were the companions of my childhood. The thrill of discovering Daddy Longlegs - we all started diaries with sketches in them after that one. Then there were Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, The Three Investigators and the infallible Hercule Poirot. Rebecca, Frenchman's Creek and Pride and Prejudice were the pinnacle of romance. Discussing Doctors and The Fountainhead with friends. The lyrical writing of Charles Dickens. The very dark but hypnotically compelling Wurthering Heights. The obsession with Oscar Wilde and P. G. Wodehouse. The sheer beauty of Cannery Row and Catcher in The Rye.

And then there was D. H. Lawerence's Sons and Lovers. I don't think I read too much of that one. I don't remember much of what I did read. I just remember my impression of this woman's life - living in this little house. One of so many little houses - doing exactly the same things over and over and over day after day after day. It was too dreary for words. I don't know if I will read it the same way today. I never picked up that book again.

I used to love thrillers. Devoured them. I think it was after I finished The Bourne Supremacy that I decided I did not want to read thrillers again. I did not read them so much as entered their worlds. Completely. Obsessively. I lost all sense of my surroundings. That hasn't happened in a while - except when I read the second, third and fourth Harry Potters in one dazed and sleep deprived weekend.

I read The Fountainhead again just after I graduated. It disturbed and depressed me. After a few days I forced it out of my head.

And somehow over time, my reading habits changed. Dare I admit it? I started reading romances and psychic thrillers. Or books I had read before. Books that would not upset me. Books that would not make me think. Not make me question my life and my choices. I have crossed that thin line between resting the mind and escaping the mind.

Footprints - quote

2006-01-08T16:16:00.000-08:00

I found a great quote for the last post -

'I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them.'
- Susan Sontag

Footprints

2006-01-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

My favorite story for the day - Miffed man pays bank bill a penny at a time
Sometimes passive agressive behaviour is what we need in out 'live by the rules and play nice' society! I think I'll move to Canada.

It raises an interesting point. The existence of the 'global village' with its 'information superhighway' means that your information is distributed all over the world and into so many hands. The insignificant and obscure among us need not worry. The world does not, much as we might wish for it, hang upon our every action. But I wonder - what credit cards does george bush use? Is his information outsourced? What does Bill Clinton's credit card statements look like? Do you worry about these things if you are a celebrity?

If your digital footprints were to tell the tale of your life, what would they say? Do you ever wonder what level of detail your grocery store keeps about you? You swipe the little membership card, and for savings worth a few dollars, you give them permission to record for posterity the information that all you ever buy is beer and potato chips. They say they don't keep the details. They say they don't tie them to you in particular. But do you believe them? If you had access to all these little glimpses into peoples' lives - things that gave you this tiny but satisfying power over them - would you let it go? With computer memory being as cheap as it is, wouldn't you save this information - just in case?

I worry about these things sometimes. Is that just another form of self-importance? Like writing this blog - sending words off into the void. Half afraid they will be read, half afraid they won't. I have this image of a comic book detective with a big magnifying glass tracking my every move. The emails I send, the phone conversations, every web site I visited and the things I lingered over. The groceries I bought, the clothes and books.

I used to worry about what the cashier in the store thought. If I bought too much junk food, I felt obliged to buy fresh vegetables. Or to act like all the food was for some fictional party. At the library, if I took books that were not at the high intellectual plane I liked to imagine for myself, I would pick up a classic to save face. Of course, the fresh vegetables got thrown out as often as not, and the books never got read.

And then my library got automated checkout machines. So did the grocery store. Joy! I could get away from judging eyes! But then the more worrying thought - the humans will see, judge and forget. But the unforgiving machines! They will remember, collect, correlate. And someday, somewhere, maybe people I don't even know will judge me.

New Addictions

2006-01-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

I think I am ready to embrace a new addiction. I resisted the charms of the internet - and of blogs in particular - for so long for just this reason. There are whole worlds out there. And I want to visit them all, and do it now.

Having decided to take the plunge and enter these new worlds, I indulged myself today. There are so many wonderful, witty, fun writers out there! And then there are the ones that just touch your heart. I love it - and I'm in danger of getting a permanent inferiority complex!

New Beginnings

2006-01-05T01:04:00.000-08:00

The new year crept in this year, almost unnoticed. No fanfare, no forced reflections on the year gone by, and no pretense of new year resolutions. Is it that as I grow older, I hope that by ignoring time, I will somehow slow its passing? Slow it enough so I can catch up on all the things I was supposed to have done by now. Or has it just become too wearing to get excited about imposed milestones?

It was a low key celebration - a gathering of strangers and a few friends, good food, and clambering to a hill top in the pitch dark. Reaching the top and turning around just as the first explosion of colour lit the sky. It felt good - it just did not feel like your typical 'New Year Bash'.

And the extra leap second too went by - sparkling like a star. melting like a snowflake. And so I begin this blog - before it is too late.